I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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