i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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