took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
