You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
