you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
