Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
