also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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