I want to make a zoo with you.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I need to calm my uterus...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
