Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
