Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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