Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
