i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
