No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
