what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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