apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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