I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I need moral support for this bender
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize