Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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