Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
