Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
