he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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