Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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