I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
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She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
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As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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