He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
