Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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