I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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