Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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