Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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