never play flip cup with pint glasses
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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