Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
