I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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