Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
