You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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