oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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