I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
