My balls are so social today.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
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I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
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One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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