I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
