your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
