i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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