if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
two words...techno handjob
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
