you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Randomize
