you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
