I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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