I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
