I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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