so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
