a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
