I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
