I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
