i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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