Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
