I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
