tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
COCAINE IS GR8
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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