found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
