just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
