i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
