I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
