At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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