you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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