her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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