You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
