I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
A+ Viking dick
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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