I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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