I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
