I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
