there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
