I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
