I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
