"it" just moved
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
