R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Randomize
