I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Randomize
