I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
