Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
