so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
