im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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