I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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