cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
