Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
