So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
