hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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