I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
