Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
