I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
