Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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