Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
