then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
